The way we was - Part 1

I think a little background information is in order before we go much farther with this blog. I met Mary Kate when she was still in high school, although at the time I thought she was in college. I'm six years older than her but it really didn't feel like it because she acted like someone my own age. Mary Kate will probably tell her side of the story later but for me I certainly noticed her body first :-) but her maturity and her intelligence quickly held my attention. She has a very strong leader type personality. (Really? an Irish woman with a strong personality! I was shocked too.) We got married quickly, probably too quickly for a lot of people. I think a lot of people assumed she was pregnant but it ended up taking several years for the first baby to come a long. (That'll show 'em. Hah!)

Our early years of marriage were filled with arguments and fights. We had plenty of good times too but we were both struggling to be the leader. Whenever we would have a disagreement I would try to fix it. We would sit down and try to figure out why we felt the way we did and what we could do to keep from having the same conflict again. (Read boring lecture from Sean) It did help some but Mary Kate felt like there was always something wrong with her that she needed to fix. I felt like I was trying to be a leader but she didn't want to follow. All this is probably common to many marriages out there.

We had talked about masculinity and femininity and our roles in marriage. Mary Kate definitely wanted me to be head of our family. I knew my wife was a gift and not a project, but I also knew that my constant "corrections" (when women do this its called nagging) were not inspiring loving feelings between the two of us. I was looking around the Internet for information on submission in marriage. I really needed an answer to how submission in a relationship could lead to anything but hard feelings by the person doing the submitting. I found an article by a minister who talked about the biblical reasons for submission in marriage. This was all stuff I heard before having grown up going to church every week, but this guy talked about the need for discipline in a marriage. He did mention spanking but he quickly pointed out that the bible does not require corporal punishment as a means of discipline, but it does not forbid it either. Some further investigation yielded a lifestyle called domestic discipline which seemed to have discipline and still a loving respectful atmosphere. After some soul searching I showed the article to Mary Kate. She was repulsed by the idea of spanking, but she did understand the concept of discipline and she did recognize that she was not always submitting the way she knew she should. She asked me if I though she should be spanked; I don't remember exactly what I said but it was probably a long winded version of "yes". We kind of let it go there.

A few weeks later Mary Kate was at a conference for her work for a few days. She called me on the morning I was supposed to drive out to pick her up and she was almost in tears. I will let Mary Kate tell you the whole story if she wants to but apparently she had a little to much to drink the night before and had to have a friend at the conference help her back to her room. I realize getting drunk is probably no big deal for a lot of people out there but Mary Kate had a life before she met me that she was slipping back into and I think it scared both of us. She called me still a little sick that morning and confessed everything and apologized. I told her that I was disappointed but I still loved her and I would be there soon to get her and everything would be OK. We had a long drive home where we talked about what happened. Finally I said "I think you should submit to a spanking. I will not force you and if you decide not to I will still love you, but I think you should submit to this." Quietly she told me she had expected this and that she would be "OK" with getting a spanking.

At that moment, I was relived that she had agreed and I knew that I had to forgive her right then. She was taking responsibility for her actions admitting her mistake and accepting the consequences. I could not continue to hold it against her. We talked about other things and as the alcohol worked its way out of her system she became happier and seemed like she was at peace. We got home and I let her rest a little before I told her we needed to talk about her spanking. I was very nervous about spanking her; mostly, because I had never done this before and I really wasn't sure how she would react, or if she would still love me afterward. We talked about the way she was spanked by her parents and a few other things. I'm not sure what she expected but she was very trusting and seemed calmer about whole thing as I talked about what would happen and informed her that unlike her childhood spankings she would be bare bottomed for this spanking. She was surprisingly submissive for the whole process. I had read accounts of women who scream and kick their legs and try to squirm away, and that's what I was expecting from my fiery wife. This was when my inexperience caused a few problems. I didn't get a sobbing hysterical woman over my lap so I assumed she was fighting, not wanting to "give in". So I spanked harder as I lectured her. (I know this is probably a classic male HOH mistake)

Suffice it to say I hurt her more than she needed both physically and emotionally. After we finished and she got up she immediately crawled in bed and didn't want to talk to me. I remember apologizing for something although I don't remember what for. I left her alone and went to work for a meeting. The whole time I was in the meeting I was sick to my stomach. I wasn't afraid of her calling the police or telling our friends I beat her or anything. I was really afraid that I had hurt my wife in a way that she would have a hard time trusting me anymore. When I came home we both sat down and I explained that I felt I had made the mistakes that I mentioned above and I apologized. Mary Kate forgave me and we spent the next week or two talking about DD and what was good and not so good. We continue in this learning process and I think our trust in each other has grown and so has the peace and stability of our house. Mary Kate doesn't like being spanked... ever... for any reason... (she can't identify with women who want erotic/fun spankings) but she has never refused when I have stated that she needs one. She trusts me a lot, and its inspiring for me to live up to a standard where I would be worthy of that trust.

-Sean