Sean and I had a conversation today about two blogs written by other people. First of all, let me just say that my intention is not necessarily to criticize other couple's way of doing business. I do believe that there can be happy marriages without as strict of guidelines as ours, and think that depending on a person's background, ours could even be detrimental/dangerous for some. That said, we thought the stark difference between these two journals was interesting, and thought you all might find the interest as well...
http://theartofbeingfeminine.blogspot.com/2010/10/man-who-wants-to-improve-you-and-change.html
http://godsgifttohim.wordpress.com/2010/07/08/needs-and-wants/
Let me just say that I think BOTH are real possibilities for this life, and the first outlines a real danger in any sort of DD situation: the feeling that one is less than the other. We strongly believe that we are each equal in God's eyes; what is different about us is that we have decided on a hierarchy for decision-making, vision-setting, and conflict-ending. I can respect that some people have come to this same conclusion without the understanding of the bible, but with us, that is where we draw our inspiration. What is missing from the first blog is one key element in CDD: that change happens and is necessary. Not only am I in need of growth, but so is my dearest Sean - and in so leading me, he is self-taught into being a better man tomorrow than he is today. Ecclesiastes says that iron sharpens iron, and we believe so we ought to be for one another. Who else is better qualified than to lovingly spur you onto good deeds than your mate? Who else is better qualified to tell you that you were out of line than your husband ... he sees you the most, knows you the best of anyone on this earth.
We have, what I would consider, a unique situation. We have typically seen that the women usually suggest this type of lifestyle, but it was opposite for us. Sean suggested it in the summer of 2008 and we've been bumbling along since. Sean wanted it at first, and I was next to repulsed. I eventually went along with it, especially when considering I was really struggling with being a submissive (biblically speaking) wife; I knew I should be better, but didn't know how to go about getting the right results. It has taken awhile for me to trust him so much with all these things and details of our lives, and I have slowly given it over to him. Sean is a stay-at-home/work-at-home dad, which I think is a contributing factor to maybe some of these differences. At any rate, I can say that the first blog is what I used to feel some of the time, and Satan still whispers those types of lies into my ear. But the reality is my husband loves me, cherishes me, adores me, and has gone to great lengths to take care of me and be my shield in these last couple of years. Knowing this, how can I say that he thinks less of me? I have trusted my everything with him, how could I doubt his correction doesn't come from a genuinely loving place? (The answer is, I still do sometimes, but I'm a work in progress!)
Anyway, I go to bed tonight thankful that I have a husband who wants to talk things out, give me a foot rub, and sometimes spank me because he wants me to grow in patience, honesty, obedience and peacefulness. And I know he doesn't think any less of me.
-- Mary-Kate
We are equal, she and I, and yet distinctly different - male and female being only the most obvious.
ReplyDeleteIt's strange, I suppose, that even as a pastor I do not draw my inspiration for Dd from the Bible (like Sean, I suggested it for our marriage). I recently told a good friend that Dd is more of a practical matter for us. If we were to remove it from our lives not a drop of the biblical edict to submit as lived out in our hearts would be squelched. I would still submit to Christ, as well as love her as I love myself. And she, because of my submission to Christ, would still desire to offer her submission as a gift. You're right, we're all inspired in different ways to Dd.
But the foot rub thing? I'm still growing into the foot rub thing (ughyeckfeet) but I occassionally do give her one. I think I could use a little inspiration in that area I suppose. ;)
some of what the first blogger said I can agree with.. There are men out there that shouldn't be HOH's.. If given the authority they could make their wives feel like that.. Also i believe without spanking we all can make our spouses feel horrible.. I truly believe it take a unique man to be HOH in a cdd lifestyle.. They have to be in it for the better of the wife not themselves..
ReplyDeleteThey have to know where the lines and boundaries are.. They have to be able to admit when they are wrong.. If everything doesnt match up then you can have a relationship like the blogger said...
I do get agraviated when people dont understand the true meaning of the lifestyle...they just think the man is overpowering and wants control... If the truth be known my dh shows me more love and pampers me more than i do him..
Thanks guys for the comments!
ReplyDeleteI most definitely don't think this is for everyone... I know too many people in abusive relationships, or have been, that they would have a WHOLE lot of healing to do before they could even consider this type of thing.
We read another great blog the other day about some unspoken "rules" about CDD ... and I thought it was interesting we have some of the same similar understandings about what is and isn't acceptable, and it's taken us a couple of years to nail this much down.
It would be a totally different story here if I didn't know just how much Sean loves me!
--Mary-Kate